All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
