my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
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