I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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