I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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