mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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