break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
