your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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