were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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