Nicole vs. Life
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
