the condom got lost in my hair
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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