i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
