just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
