$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
What a dumb baby whore.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
