i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
