It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
