fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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