sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
