my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
