I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
