That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
