I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Those nachos came to me in a dream
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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