Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
PANTIES FOUND
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