idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
3pm strippers are depressing
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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