I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
