We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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