I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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