dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
