no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
