I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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