this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
