Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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