I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
