I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
When are your genitals available?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
