it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
