lets start a swedish sibling band together
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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