Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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