The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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