I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
