best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
