I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
