I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
