How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Randomize
