I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i will never coherently bang her
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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