help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
