it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
