I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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