The maid of honor just puked.
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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