So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
my shit smells like andre
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
