Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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