My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
