My liver just broke up with me...
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
