She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
There r osticjed everywhere
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
