Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Randomize
