Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
